You couldn’t make this up ….


I consider myself lucky to have been on a gorgeous summer holiday. Most holidays should be relaxing and give you the time to recharge this one was mostly but did have some stand out days that took a while to recover from.

This particular day couldn’t be more surreal if you tried, when I listened to my husband chatting to the taxi driver about it I was suprised at his reaction – hysterical laughter and wow that could be the plot of a new sitcom – in reality it was a pretty scary day.

The day started as many do a trip to the gym with my husband & son then back for breakfast with my daughter and her friend.

We decided to visit the lovely town of Loule in the Algarve which has a gypsy market on a Saturday, we wandered round and with no cash to spend it was a whistle stop tour.  Next stop was the gorgeous fruit & vegetable market where local producers sell their wares from fresh fish to chilli oil.

Bizarrely outside was a group of Harley Davidson bikes and bikers which was a great site to see. We headed to a local restaurant across the road and sat down to order lunch, we all chose our food and headed to the till to pay. As we were waiting for our order my husband decided he didn’t really like the look of what was going on in the kitchen, he spotted the chef picking up the chips with her hands, food waste over the side  but who knew that wasn’t going to matter.

I should have known that things were going to down hill.

An elderly man, who we named Mr Sheiss, wandered in whilst we were waiting for our food unfortunately the smell announced his arrival and luckily no one else saw that his tackle was on display but we all did get the waft of an unwanted aroma.

My daughter’s friend suddenly announced she felt unwell, I leapt out of my seat as she passed out to help her as she started convulsing, vomitted all over herself, my sons shoes and the restaurant floor.

My husband rushed to the counter for assistance and tried to explain that we had an emergency after a brief misunderstanding with the waiting staff they realised he was not telling them to hurry up with our food but that we needed some medical attention.

The waitress rushed to the table, where I was supporting our friend, and opened a bottle of water, took a large swig and proceeded to spit it in her face. We couldn’t bring our friend round which was very frightening for all,  an ambulance was called. As there was no room to lay her down on the floor we had to clear some tables and put the friend on top in the recovery position and just iced her and tried to keep her cool whilst waiting for the ambulance.

The ambulance was called again after 10 minutes by which time the family ran for assistance to seek help from the local hospital as there was no sign of the ambulance coming.

The Dr’s refused to attend but suggested we brought the patient to them – this was not possible as she was still out cold.

The next bit I missed as I was dealing with our friend. Mr Sheiss, shuffled from the toilet oblivious to our crisis leaving a steaming pile of poo on the floor in the middle of the restaurant and his trousers down by his knees, beside a couple just eating some dessert.

Other customers came in from outside to see where their orders had got to completely oblivious to the unconscious person on the tables and the pile of poo on the floor. A  random man holding a beer wandered in off the street and tried to ask questions in Portuguese which we didn’t understand and had nothing to do with the situation we were dealing with.

Eventually after chasing the ambulance down the road we were rescued, our friend was responsive but not awake, we really didn’t know how this tale would end.

The family were dispensed back to the apartment whilst I went to the hospital in the ambulance (30 minutes away) with our friend.

Fortunately she remembers nothing, we are now able to laugh at the entire event as we tell this story. It’s quite hard to believe that this sequence of events took place in one place in one hour in a restaurant and is comedy gold.

3 thoughts on “You couldn’t make this up ….

  1. Oh dear not quite the relaxing holiday, but certainly a tale that will become legendary! If someone made it into a comedy, the reviewer would say it’s a bit far-fetched.

  2. What a day! Was his name REALLY Mr Scheiss or was that a nickname you made up for him? It sounds highly appropriate!

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